Finito la Commedia

Gee, that SUV makes your butt look big! and other ideas from an evil genius

Free to Copy - Gee, That SUV Makes Your Butt Look Big!

Here’s an idea I had. If there’s one thing some people are more afraid of than death and public speaking, it’s looking fat.

Why not use this fear for good and convince people that their bad behavior is what is really making them appear so rotund.

Please understand – I am not making a statement against fat people or fatness. I’m simply your run-of-the-mill evil genius who wants to manipulate people’s insecurity for the greater good.

Here are some other ideas:

When I was about 19, I came up with an idea to promote an unsubstantiated Internet rumor about a device, which was to be called the “Vagina Dentata,” that was now available to prevent rape.

The vagina dentata (vagina with teeth) is a rather common myth found in several cultures. Depending on the source, a goddess, a witch, or all women are said to have teeth inside their vaginas to punish rapists or, perhaps, any unlucky man.

The device I imagined would be somewhat like a bear trap and would instantly castrate any man who, shall we say, entered uninvited.

Fortunately or unfortunately, however, there is no need for me to promote this rumor. That is because such a device actually exists!

According to a Wikipedia article:

RapeX anti-rape female condomThe anti-rape female condom (aka vaginal bear trap, brand name RapeX) was invented by Sonette Ehlers, a South African woman.

The device is a latex tube fitted internally with shafts of sharp, inward-facing plastic barbs that could be worn by a woman in her vagina, similar to a tampon. Should an attacker attempt vaginal rape, the penis would be hooked by the barbs, causing the attacker pain and giving the victim time to escape. The condom would remain attached to the attacker’s penis and…could be removed only surgically… which would alert hospital staff and police….

The device’s inventor believes that the very existence of the device in over-the-counter stores could also act as a deterrent by creating the possibility in a potential rapist’s mind that victims might be using it. [emphasis mine]

Assuming certain objections can be overcome, the device is to be released in late 2006.

Furthermore, I’m not the only one to have thought of a vaginal bear trap. In his exhibition “Impenetrable Devices,” Colorado designer and artist Ira Sherman, after interviewing rape victims, created a series of metal sculptures depicting his ideas for such a device.

Here are two: the “Saber Tooth Speculum” and the “Bear Trap Corset”:

Saber Tooth Speculum by Ira Sherman  Bear Trap Corset by Ira Sherman

So, I guess this just goes to show that no matter how creepy your inner world, you can pretty much count on the fact that someone else has thought of the same thing and, probably, taken it much further than you have.

Please feel free to copy and distribute my SUV bumper sticker and/or start any unfounded Internet rumors you please. Just don’t blame me.


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Ha Ha, what a good idea!

Comment by George

I’m also enjoying some of the other blogs (websites?) that you’ve included in your blog. The right to bear arms ones was weird and chilling.

Comment by Susan

very interesting. i’m adding in RSS Reader

Comment by Melina

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