Finito la Commedia

Sounds like Kinky Friedman

“Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.”
                                                                                              – Butch Hancock


Update: Gee, that SUV makes your butt look big! and other ideas from an evil genius

SUVs are only an attempt to make you look cool - not a success

Back when I originally wrote “Gee, that SUV makes your butt look big! and other ideas from an evil genius,” I included these fun pictures to further illustrate my point. Somehow, they got left out of the final post. Thought you’d enjoy this evidence of people’s real feelings about their SUVs:

SUVs make you look like you have a small dick and itty bitty ballsSUVs make you look like you're compensating

Compensating for something, are they?


Gee, that SUV makes your butt look big! and other ideas from an evil genius

Free to Copy - Gee, That SUV Makes Your Butt Look Big!

Here’s an idea I had. If there’s one thing some people are more afraid of than death and public speaking, it’s looking fat.

Why not use this fear for good and convince people that their bad behavior is what is really making them appear so rotund.

Please understand – I am not making a statement against fat people or fatness. I’m simply your run-of-the-mill evil genius who wants to manipulate people’s insecurity for the greater good.

Here are some other ideas:

When I was about 19, I came up with an idea to promote an unsubstantiated Internet rumor about a device, which was to be called the “Vagina Dentata,” that was now available to prevent rape.

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Hey straight guys: We’ve got your women!

Can’t you take them back??

Look. We’re serious here. We gay men are tired of all the straight women following us around and falling in love with us. We’re not interested, which can make for a pretty embarrassing situation. But we can’t seem to help it! We’re just so attractive, erudite, and interesting.

We could really use a little help here. It was kind of fun at first when women were so accepting of us. We share many of the same interests–fashion, decorating, literature, philosophy, hygiene, cleanliness, intelligent conversation, guys….

Why do we always have to be the ones who care about how we look? Why do we have to be the ones who dress nicely, decorate our homes attractively, and make an effort to be interesting conversationalists and caring partners? Why couldn’t you do any of that?

Weren’t you listening to “[Every Girl’s Crazy ‘Bout a] Sharp Dressed Man” by Z-Z Top?

Weren’t you paying attention to the “Best-Dressed Real Men in America” contest in Esquire? [May God bless you with the love of a thousand women (or men), Anthony Rogers!]
Chances are, you could if you gave it a little try. But…YOU’RE NOT WATCHING Queer Eye!

It’s not that we think you’re secretly gay. I mean, no one could seriously be convinced you were gay. Just look at you. Uggh.

No, common sense tells us that you’re not gay; you’re just not trying to attract women.

Yes, we really said that. And we’re right.

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